El Roi-The God Who Sees

El Roi-The God who sees...

the God who sees even when we feel like He does not

the God who sees when it seems no one else really does

the God who sees past the smile on our face

the God who sees our struggles and pain

the God who sees how we try

the God who sees and forgives our weakness

the God who sees and yet still loves

the God who sees and holds on

the God who sees our struggle to hold on

the God who sees and knows

the God who sees and cares

El Roi-the God who sees...

Yesterday God spoke something very clearly to me through a friend's prayer that just whacked me and brought me to gut wrenching tears...a picture that was given showed me that God really does see me and knows exactly where I am at!  I could never have described or given a picture of where I am at so clearly and that gave me absolutely no doubt that God sees and knows and cares!  Your head knows these things but your heart does not always truly believe it in the midst of everything.  I so needed to be reminded of that again!  So thankful for how God works and speaks through people! May you too know that El Roi  also sees YOU!  That brings HOPE!

This song that we sang in church on Sunday has been running through my head. 

My Hope

 

 

 

 

 

Three Little Words

Three little words spoke deeply to me this week..."Look at me"
 
God used those 3 words to draw my attention to look to Him...to look to Him when I am tired and my strength is gone, when I am feeling down, when I am worried and when there is uncertainty.  And of all things He used these words from a book familiar to many of us, "The Cat in the Hat".   Our pastor posted a message on our church's Facebook page asking how we might see God or the kingdom of God in this story as he was going to use it in the message this past Sunday.  You may think, what an unlikely way to hear God speak, but God uses many ways and means to speak if we will open our hearts, ears and eyes.  So as I listened to the book online with new eyes and ears, those 3 words jumped out. "Look at me, look at me now".  Maybe I should say 4 words as the word NOW also jumped out.  Not tomorrow or in a week but now in the middle of  exhaustion, in the middle of what we perceive to be our messes, our difficulties but also in the middle of our good times when we too easily forget about God again.  When I look to Him these are some of the things He reminds me of in His Word.  He is always there with us and promises to never forsake us or leave us.  We can do nothing in our own strength.

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut. 31:8

"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength"  Philippians 4:13

"But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
² When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
³ For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..."    Isaiah 43:1-3a

Someone shared with me on Sunday how he kept falling back into trying to do everything on his own rather than looking to God and the words were reinforced once more.  If we look to God He promises to be there.   He will strengthen and give what is needed.  Oh how easily we forget!

I have not blogged much at all in the last year and a half.  It has been such a roller coaster ride of emotions since Henry had his stroke.  Ups and downs.  Sometimes what I am in need of expressing is difficult and I am not sure if I should write about it.  But more and more I am realizing that this is a place where I can express the things of my life, all those bits and pieces that together make up my life for better or worse which is why I started this blog. Whether anyone reads them or not is not really the point.  It is a place where I can express the good and also the difficult. 

A year and a half into our journey since Henry's stroke there is much to be thankful for but it is also a time when speech, reading and writing for Henry has plateaued and the progress can seem so little and that is not easy for him.  He longs for things to go quicker but at this stage it will just be slow, hard work.  Mostly he is positive but sometimes it gets hard. Hard for both of us.  I also have not been feeling well and found out my iron is low which explains the exhaustion and not being able to handle things as well.  Amazing how a little bit of iron can take so much out of you!  But at least that is something that hopefully is soon corrected.  So we have our difficult days and our good days and these 3 words remind us both to LOOK TO GOD in all times.  He is there waiting.  I came across this song as I reflected on those 3 words.  "I Look to You" by Selah

 

 

Listening & Listened To

This morning God put this scripture on my heart once again on a day that I really needed the reminder. I have been very tired and have not felt well.  Stress probably plays a part in that much as I wish it did not. 
 

Isaiah 41:10  (NIV)

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

A bit later in the morning I had to pick up some mail at the post office and was blessed with a conversation there.  Listening and listened to.  Blessing each other.  Someone else is going through a difficult time.  And then I get in my vehicle and a song is playing on the radio.  I feel God speaking the words into my life and the tears flow.  I was not familiar with the song and had to search to find it again.  As I listened to it again several times, I once again was moved by God speaking into my heart but also hear the words speaking into our marriage.  A painting that really moved me at a Prayer Summit I attended last April was brought to mind. 

 

 

 

Today we were blessed with even more listening ears.   God said, "I will strengthen you and help you".  He did that in His Words but also in the listening ears He gave us this day. 

 

 

 

 

  This journey is not easy for Henry and me and sometimes it all is overwhelming. Yes, as I have shared before, there is so much to be thankful for but in our day to day living there are things that are difficult.  Conversation and communication is not what it once was since Henry's stroke and that brings changes that are not easy for either of us.  Henry still struggles with fatigue and cannot do things with the same stamina he once had.  He gets frustrated with that.  We thought that would be better than it is by now.  But how can we really know what to expect?  Everyone is different.  We sometimes feel like people think we are used to it or that we should have accepted it by now and we are not sure that anyone really wants to hear yet again what we are struggling with since it is kind of the same thing again and again.  This is often the case with long term disability or chronic illness I imagine. 

 

I was reading something written by the wife/caregiver of someone else who also had a stroke and was left with speech/language difficulties (Aphasia).  Much of what she wrote resonated but the following words especially did.

 

 "…I will always be thankful for the people in our lives who were there to listen: people from our church, neighbors, our family physician, my husband's speech pathologist, and relatives. From my point of view, we needed to be able to express our frustration in order to relieve our anguish. Our support system needed to be there to listen…"

 

" to listen...from my point of view, we needed to be able to express our frustration in order to relieve our anguish".   This is so, so true!  You might not be able to understand exactly what we experience just as we also cannot really and totally understand someone else's experience or situation, whatever that may be.   But the willingness to just listen, without judgement,  shows care and love and makes a world of difference!   In any situation we all would love to be able to fix the problem or change the situation but we cannot.  Most often you cannot and I cannot.  But when you listen you have given an incredible gift!  You have given your ears, your love, your time and in so doing you have helped to relieve the anguish and have helped someone feel less alone in their journey whatever that may be!  Sometimes we think that only someone who has experienced the same thing can be a help or can understand.   Yes, there is a level of understanding that definitely does help and is important too, but in our experience, just as in the experience of the writer above, it is people, friends and family who take the time to listen who really do make a difference.   So please never underestimate the gift of a listening ear. 

 

We send out a thank you to each one of you who has listened to us and who continue to listen!  Please forgive us if we have shared the same struggle numerous times.  Just know that in your listening  you are a blessing in more ways than you can ever know and you are doing more than you can ever know.  We pray that we in turn can also do the same for you even if we too cannot totally understand or have not experienced what you have. 

 

 

First Sunday of Lent 2013

On this first Sunday of Lent 2013, this song, which was played during Communion in our service, spoke to my heart.  It reminded me that God is "I AM" and He is with us...always.

 

 

 

 

First Coming

First Coming
by Madeleine L’Engle

He did not wait till the world was ready,
till men and nations were at peace.
He came when the Heavens were unsteady,
and prisoners cried out for release.

He did not wait for the perfect time.
He came when the need was deep and great.
He dined with sinners in all their grime,
turned water into wine. He did not wait

till hearts were pure. In joy he came
to a tarnished world of sin and doubt.
To a world like ours, of anguished shame
he came, and his Light would not go out.

He came to a world which did not mesh,
to heal its tangles, shield its scorn.
In the mystery of the Word made Flesh
the Maker of the stars was born.

We cannot wait till the world is sane
to raise our songs with joyful voice,
for to share our grief, to touch our pain,
He came with Love: Rejoice! Rejoice!

Waiting

Putting our old Christmas tree skirt out today reminded me of waiting...waiting 26 years ago for our youngest to be born...waiting and worrying and wondering as I was on bedrest pretty much all of the last 3 months of my pregnancy...waiting for a due date(Dec. 26) which passed...many ultrasounds and stress tests...the waiting long...in the waiting time this tree skirt was made. Waiting...

It is Advent. A waiting time. A journey towards a celebration of a baby's birth. Jesus' birth. What was Mary's waiting time like? Did she wonder and worry? After all, she knew she was carrying God's Son! What did she feel in the waiting and when He was born? This child , this King, this Savior!

 

 

 

...we waited, and finally after being induced twice, our son was born healthy and well! And we rejoiced and were thankful! 

 

 

 

Speaking Clearly

 

"I believe that we know much more about God than we admit that we know, than perhaps we altogether know that we know. God speaks to us, I would say, much more often than we realize or than we choose to realize. Before the sun sets every evening, he speaks to each of us in an intensely personal and unmistakable way. His message is not written out in starlight, which in the long run would make no difference; rather it is written out for each of us in the humdrum, helter-skelter events of each day; it is a message that in the long run might just make all the difference.

Who knows what he will say to me today or to you today or into the midst of what kind of unlikely moment he will choose to say it. Not knowing is what makes today a holy mystery as every day is a holy mystery. But I believe that there are some things that by and large God is always saying to each of us. Each of us, for instance, carries around inside himself, I believe, a certain emptiness – a sense that something is missing, a restlessness, the deep feeling that somehow all is not right inside his skin. Psychologists sometimes call it anxiety, theologians sometimes call it estrangement, but whatever you call it, I doubt that there are many who do not recognize the experience itself, especially no one of our age, which has been variously termed the age of anxiety, the lost generation, the beat generation, the lonely crowd. Part of the inner world of everyone is this sense of emptiness, unease, incompleteness, and I believe that this in itself is a word from God, that this is the sound that God’s voice makes in a world that has explained him away. In such a world, I suspect that maybe God speaks to us most clearly through his silence, his absence, so that we know him best through our missing him."

Frederick Buechner