Amaryllis (2)

I posted a picture when I planted the amaryllis bulb I received from a friend in November and it is growing...beautiful to watch the growth.  I can't wait till it blooms!

Advent 2011

What a gift it was to begin this advent season with a silent prayer retreat.  God spoke into the silence, into my heart and soul.  He spoke through scripture, through nature, through words written and carved by others on a park bench and on railings, through books, through music, through the leaders of this retreat and through the women who silently journeyed along with me in this retreat.  Amazing the many ways God speaks if we take the time to listen!  Most of the time my life is so busy I don't hear His quiet whispers. I get caught up in all of the "doing" and don't take that time to just listen and "be" with Him.  A couple of years ago I came across an advent poem written on a blog that moved me and it was through this blog that God led me to this particular retreat.  Amazing!

God spoke words that I've not always let myself hear and gave new hope about growth and freedom and even friendship in my life.  During this retreat we had some reflections we could do and a couple of them had to do with Mary.  Mary in her waiting.  Mary in her response to what God was asking of her.  It seems her story is coming up everywhere for me since then which does make sense since it is advent and Christmas is coming.  Maybe I am just noticing it more this year.  One of the directors of the retreat asked if we would like to receive daily advent readings and reflections that she was going to send out.  These have been so meaningful this year as we share our responses with a group.  Today's reading was about Mary's response...her "yes" to God and her willingness to let go of self and receive what God had for her.  As part of the response we were invited to write the word "yes" in black marker on our palms.  So I write the word “Yes” on the palms of my hands to remind me to let go and receive the life giving spiritual energy of the Holy Spirit and reminding me to say "yes", the way Mary did, to whatever God has for me.

And so this advent season has been filled with a peace and beauty that brings joy to my soul.  At the very end of the prayer retreat, after we had a beautiful and moving time of sharing, we ended by singing this song together.  Cathy Hardy who wrote and sings it was one of the retreat directors.  I can't describe what joy there was as we sang this together.

Advent Reflection

I am really enjoying being part of a group who are sharing advent reflections and thoughts on a daily reading send out via e-mail.  Each day we have a question to reflect on.  I want to share today's reading because it speaks to so much of what is happening in our lives and society.  We so easily get caught up in this too, especially in this season.  Makes you think...

I'll share the question we were asked after the reading.

Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

The Gospel Necessity  - Richard Rohr

It is safe to say that there is confusion about what is needed for life and what is really important for life. The vast majority of American stores seem to be selling wants not needs. What we now call needs were formerly wants, and they have moved to such a level of sophistication that now luxuries are “necessities” for many of us. The upwardly mobile in our culture cannot feel good about themselves unless the vacation next year is more luxurious than last year’s, unless the clothes and house are upgraded, unless the latest gadget is acquired. This keeps us all quite trapped and un-free, and inherently unsatisfied. We are running on a perpetual hamster’s wheel.

Meanwhile, most of God’s people on this earth starve; most of God’s people have to learn to find happiness and learn to find freedom at a much simpler level. What the Gospel is saying, of course, is that such simplicity is the only place that happiness is ever to be found in the first place. We have moved to a level where we have made happiness and contentment largely Impossible. We have created a pseudo-happiness, largely based in having instead of being. We are so overstimulated that the ordinary no longer delights us. We cannot rest or abide in our naked being in God, as Jesus offers us.

Such a message is about as traditional, old-fashioned and conservative a gospel as we can possibly preach, and it will always be true. Every generation needs to hear it and believe this anew, but particularly in our time and culture when even middle-class people have more comforts and securities than did kings and queens in the times when royalty flourished. We have become human doings more than human beings, and the verb “rest,” as Jesus uses it, is largely foreign to us. Indeed, such rest feels like “nothing” at all, which makes it very hard to sell to people who do not value rest.

REFLECT

What in your life, material or not, are you using to fulfill a need that really should be sought from elsewhere?

Retreat

I wonder what God has in store for me this weekend.  I want to be open... to be ready.  I want to hear Him, to feel Him, and to see Him in nature, in people, in whatever way he reveals Himself.  I want to not be afraid of what He might ask of me.  I am so in need of Him.  I am tired.  Life has been so busy.  Jesus says "come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest".  'Rest', what does that look like?
 I am learning more and more that God wants us to spend time with Him, to just BE with Him.  It is in the BEING with Him that we are filled and energized once again to be busy in His kingdom.  It is in the BEING with Him that He teaches us truth about ourselves.  That can be a painful and difficult journey at times but He walks with us.  The amazing thing is that He does not give up, He keeps pursuing and leading!  God knows who He created each of us to be and because of His love, He works in us to remove anything that keeps us from being who we were created to be.  Oh, this is not always what we want or would choose.  We are like little children who don't know what is best for us.  And so I wonder once again what He has in store.  I was packed and as ready as I thought I would be and then somehow God has me pick up a book that has been 'waiting' to be read for some time and almost as soon as I open it, I know that I need to take this book along.  He has a way of doing that.  It is not at all what I planned on reading.  But I am learning to listen.  That book is now packed along with a couple of others and of course my Bibles.  We'll see where He leads me as I retreat with HIM...

Invisible People

It has been such a busy week and even Sundays have become busier and busier it seems.   Everyone I have talked to except for one person has said that last week was an exceptionally busy or stressful week.  I wonder why that was??  Hopefully this week is better.  It has been a good weekend in many ways and then there is stuff that is tough.  Times of feeling God near in ways that have not been felt in some time and that is exciting and then other times of feeling alone and sad.  Times of laughter and times of tears.  Times of being hurt and times of being lifted up.  And realizing that I am not alone in these kinds of feelings.  Too often I am hearing people apologize for crying or for being upset, when there is deep hurt and struggle.  Why, oh why do we all feel like we have to appear like everything is okay when it is not.  I guess part of that is that we are just not connected in our North American culture the way we should be.  How many people have someone that they feel free to call up and say I just need you...to listen and to care.  Today in our church we had a message about invisible people, who in our society are often the homeless.  Homeless for a number of reasons and 'invisible' to many.  It is a huge problem and so sad.  And we need to become more aware and get involved and step out and Be Jesus and See Jesus.   But also right next to us in our churches, in our neighbourhoods, in our workplaces are more 'invisible' people.  They stand next to us in their hurting with smiles covering their hurt...masks on.  God, help us to see, to hear, to love and to reach out so that no one is invisible, so that everyone is 'seen' and 'known' and 'loved'.  That is what your kingdom is like...everyone known and loved!  May your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven!

For to be known is to be loved;
And to be loved is to be known.
And they all need this, too.
We all do
Need it for our own.

Listen to this video "The Woman at the Well Monologue" written by Chris Kinsley & Drew Francis here

Amaryllis

I received an Amaryllis bulb from a friend yesterday.  I planted it today and am excited to see it grow!  Bulbs and plants make me think of new life, especially in this season of fall where everything is fading and dying...goodbyes.  And this morning there is snow on the ground and winter is arriving.  This bulb will remind me of the spring and new life to come...so thankful for this gift.  I'll think of my friend as I watch it grow, and I'll think of new life and...hellos.

Encouragement & Blessing

Thinking today what a difference a few words of thanks or encouragement can make.  How uplifting even a couple of words or a note can be.  To the sender they may seem small or not that significant but to the recipient they bring much blessing.  Praying that I always remember to bless others with those words of encouragement and thanks as I was blessed today.  It makes a difference.

Cup of Love

Way back when the kids were younger, probably more into their teens, we read somewhere about "filling our cups of love".  We are all like a cup that needs to be filled with love.  That can be done in a number of ways, but one way is through a hug.  So when one of the kids was kind of grumpy or out of sorts we would ask,  "Does your cup of love need filling?"  If you know teens at all, you know that hugs from mom and dad are not always appreciated, especially when one is grumpy or they do not even know thay have a need for love or want to even admit that.  So, in spite of some resistance, but really not too much resistance, we would give a big hug and just keep hugging until they said their cup was full.  It was kind of interesting, especially the first few times we tried it...whoever was the recipient would say they did not need to be hugged or was not in the mood for a hug but you could just feel them relax into that hug as you were giving it anyway.  They could be very stiff and unresponsive at first but as you kept hugging them they would relax and allow that hug to fill them.  Such an awesome feeling!  Sometimes it was a short hug ( and yeah, sometimes just because they definitely were not going to let themselves be "loved") and other times the hug would last quite a while.  That question, "does your cup of love need filling?" became a bit of a joke in our family but somewhere deep down it really did fill a need even when they did not want to admit it.  I'm not sure the kids remember those times so much or think about them, but I do. I still remember our kids, who I love dearly, slowly melting into that hug and letting the love from either me or their dad fill them up.  They just had to be willing to stay in that hug when at first they wanted to resist...to let that love fill and fill them till 'their cup was full' and even running over! 

Do we let God 'fill our cups of love'?  He patiently waits and even longs to fill us with His love and too often I am afraid that we resist just like our teenage kids did.  We think we don't need it or we are unworthy or whatever...what if we just stopped all of our busyness, our worrying, and just made some space...spent time with God alone, letting Him fill us till our cups overflow? 

Livable, Believable, Life-Giving

"All of Jesus’ rules of ministry, his “tips for the road,” are very interpersonal. They are based on putting people in touch with people. Person-to-person is the way the gospel was originally communicated. Person-in-love-with-person, person-respecting-person, person-forgiving-person, person-touching-person, person-crying-with-person, person-hugging-person: that’s where the Spirit is so beautifully present.

The challenge is to preach a gospel that is livable, believable, and life-giving. Perhaps that is the most simple criterion by which we can discern Jesus’ teaching. It is always a call to death but is always life-giving in the long run. When you see life being created between people and within people, you see God. Where you see God, you will always see freedom. Restraint and passion—that is the paradoxical experience of the Holy. It takes time to learn. You grow into the ability to love another in a way that totally gives yourself and entrusts yourself and yet respects that person and stands back."

Richard Rohr

An ordinary, not so ordinary day

Kind of an ordinary, stay-at-home kind of day today, Wednesday.  There are not too many of those these days.  So I guess this is not so ordinary, actually!  Did some laundry, made some soup, listened to some music while working, did some reading in the Book of John, had a not so ordinary time of prayer, had lunch, sent a couple of e-mails, more reading and reflection for a course I am going to take, made an appointment for a haircut, and then the doorbell rang.  A neighbour offered me some extra mulch that he had.  Oh, yes!!  I had been wondering if I should go get some for the backyard and here it was for free!!  What a gift!  He even delivered it.  So I helped him unload and then started wheeling it to the backyard.  It felt good to tuck it around the plants...hopefully it helps protect them through the winter. I only hope the neighbour's cat won't get into it as it usually does.  The sun was out and it was pretty warm today.  A blessed day!

Giving our Halves

Today our pastor gave a message on Matthew 14:13-21 (the feeding of the 5000).  The story begins with Jesus needing to go to a solitary place after hearing of the death of John the Baptist.  The crowd follows him and when Jesus sees them, it says, "he had compassion on them and healed their sick".  He did not send them away - no, he had compassion, he cared for them.  We heard that to have compassion means to "suffer with".

Today, Jesus calls us to be his hands and feet...we are the ones who need to see with his eyes and have compassion.  Sometimes that task seems overwhelming when there are so many who have needs. Sometimes the things we do to try to help don't seem like enough or we can get tired and feel like we don't have anything more to give.  What do we do?

There is a clue in the story of the feeding of the 5000.  Jesus told the disciples to feed all of the people and  the disciples reacted with "how?? We do not have enough food.  There are only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish...impossible!"  Pretty much how we would react, I dare say!  And yet Jesus gives this mission to the disciples and enables them.  He blesses the bread and fish and the disciples take the 'little' and end up passing the food around, feeding well over 5000 people and even have 12 baskets leftover!!

We often can feel like we have little to give, or we are too small or it won't be enough for all of the needs around us.  We only have "halves".   Jesus challenges us to use our "only halves" and to bless...to give the little we have to offer and let him worry about the results.

Did I ever need to be reminded of that today.  We may have little or may be small but we have a BIG God who will use the little we have to offer and will multiply and bless.  It is not about us, it's about God!

This message also reminded me of a prayer meeting 3 years ago with prayer people from several churches in a house overlooking Kelowna.  I felt very small and insignificant.  I did not feel at all confident and our church "The Well"  was a very small church compared to some of the churches represented there.  At one point in the meeting, one of the ladies shared scripture that she felt was for me and "The Well".  It was the story of Gideon in Judges 6. God had asked Gideon to save Israel out of Midian's hand.  Gideon replies with "But Lord,...how can I save Israel?  My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family."  God answered, "I will be with you".   If you read the rest of the story you will see that God reduces Gideon's army down to only 300 and yet they do defeat the Midianites army of thousands.  Gideon was the least in his family, and his clan the smallest and yet because God was with him he was used mightily.  Another Gideon lesson, it took him a while to trust that God would work through him.  How like us too!  We too, often take some convincing that though we are small or have just a little to offer, if we just give what we have, use what we have and bless...God will work.  The disciples didn't think Jesus could feed the crowd with only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish and Gideon didn't think someone like him could destroy the Midianites..but with God all things are possible!! 

Friday photos

I'm borrowing this idea from someone else...friday photos. 

 A picture is worth a thousand words as they say.

I love trying to capture beauty through the eyes of a camera.

 "Flowers on a fall day in my garden"

Thanksgiving

Yesterday we had a beautiful Thanksgiving service.  Our pastor, Ron, shared the story of Mark Gordon , a pastor here in Kelowna, who thought he had lost everything in a fire this summer. You can listen to his story here.  Mark Gordon shares his story in a message he gave to his congregation shortly after the fire.  The message begins at about 06:14.  If you also click on PDF you can watch the powerpoint slides while you listen. They include photos. 

There was an open mic time where people were invited to share what they were most thankful for in 2011.  Some shared via a poem, some shared thanks in a way that was out of the box,  for example: thankful for house repairs that needed to be done because it means we have a home.  All during this time I struggled with getting up to share the most important thing God had done in my life this year.  I just did not know for sure if I should or could because you feel quite vulnerable sharing something personal and I just did not know if I would be able to express it very well...and so I just could not get the courage to go and the time ended.   I was on the worship team and as we were singing the second last song, I just felt like I was supposed to share it and again I really did not know how to do that when it really was not the time anymore.  The song would end, Pastor Ron would give a blessing and we would sing the closing song.  I was feeling more strongly that I should share and yet was scared as anything.  Well, this time, pastor Ron paused for a bit before he was giving the blessing and I found myself asking if I could still share.  And so I did with a shaking heart.  Shared basically how all my life I have believed in God, loved Him and tried to serve Him as best I could.  I knew in my head that God loves us but in the past few years God has revealed to me that I did not really know that in my heart or even know His love as a Father.  I was actually surprised at that and did not even realize that. I thought I did.  I had no trouble believing God loved everyone else but for some reason did not truly feel like I deserved or was loved just the way I was. I see now that I was always trying to be "good enough" or trying to be "perfect" before I felt I could be really loved either by God or even by others.  God has taken me on a journey that has not been easy and though it has taken some time and slowly my heart was opened, it was only a few months ago when God used a series of songs and one song in particular to finally open the door completely to know His love was real and was for me too.  I cry just thinking about it and how God patiently and gently moved me from this place of head knowledge to heart knowledge of His love.  And that story is very similar to what I heard from Henry's uncle Nick, whose funeral we went to in Red Deer this past week.  So moving and powerful to hear once again his testimony and the story at his funeral.  God is so amazing that He cares so much for each of us and wants us all to truly know His love and works in each of us to bring us to that place...what grace to be loved just for who we are not what we think we should be...what a Big God he is!

I wish now that I had prepared something in writing to share because I felt like I was not clear when I was sharing and maybe was too emotional.  Not sure if what I was trying to say was coming through.  I also felt very vulnerable because you put yourself out there. And so, you second guess yourself wondering if you should have shared.  Praying God had people hear what they should hear and not the fumbling for words that I felt.  Following is the song that God spoke so powerfully through to me that June day...He IS my Father and He does love ME!   May you too feel His love for YOU!  That is what I am so thankful for this year...God's love becoming real.

Beauty Amidst the Storm

When I see a rainbow I always think of God and His promises. On Sunday, Sept 25, there had been dark clouds, rain and wind and then the sun came through while it was still raining and this beautiful, double rainbow appeared.  Wow, it was amazing!

Beauty in the midst of the storm  and a reminder of God's promises

Not about us

It's a grey, rainy day once again...the kind of day that invites reflection.  I know I should be getting some other things done but my mind just can't seem to focus on them.  This seems to be happening too much in the last little while.  Sometimes the everyday chores that need doing seem so repetitive and unimportant.  Hey, who really wants to pay bills, or clean or do laundry...yeah, I know, that all needs to get done but...later.

Yesterday, October 4, Henry's Uncle Nick passed away.  He had been battling cancer.  Such a horrible disease.  Cancer took a special uncle of mine also in October, 3 years ago. He was like a second dad to me. My dad also died in October when he was the same age that I am now, not from cancer though. That's another story.  I can only imagine what it must be like for them to see Jesus face to face for the first time.  Makes me think of the song  "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me.  That song moves me everytime I hear it.  Have a listen.

I don't really understand it but God really put it on my heart to pray for Uncle Nick & all of his family.  Some call it a "special burden" to pray but though it is an intense call to pray I don't feel it is a burden.  I wonder if there is a different word that might describe it more accurately but can't think what that might be at this time.  All I know is that God set me and I am sure many others to praying.  Why does He do that I wonder??  He doesn't need our prayers to bring comfort, encouragement or protection to those we pray for because He is LOVE,  He is COMFORT, He is PROTECTOR and He is ALL-POWERFUL!  Yet, He chooses to use us.  How humbling is that!  Is it because He wants to use His people to be His hands and feet to those He loves.  Is it because it draws His people closer together?  What do we miss if we don't listen to those calls or nudges?  We may never know what our prayers do but I am reminded that it is

not about us...it is about God!!

Through

Thinking and praying today for those who are going through very difficult times and I read this blog which really speaks to me and so I share it with you  here . 

Joshua 1:5 " I will never leave you or forsake you" 
 No matter what we go through, or what it might feel like, God does promise to be with us...to go through whatever it is we are going through with us.

From Isaiah 43

 ^I But now, this is what the LORD says—
   he who created you, Jacob,
   he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
² When you pass through the waters,
   I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze.
³ For I am the LORD your God,
   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

⁵ Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

Uncle Nick

It's a cloudy, rainy day and I am having a hard time focussing on the work I should be doing.  God  has really been putting an uncle of Henry's on my heart.  He shared such a beautiful testimony with me at a family campout 2 or 3 years back.  I had been visiting in Lethbridge and Henry's parents were bringing me to the airport in Calgary.  On the way, we stopped where his dad's siblings were camping and that is where I heard Uncle Nick's story or testimony.  I was so moved.  Then last fall Uncle Nick & Auntie Ann came to visit when they were in Kelowna.  We had such a good visit and he ended up sharing his story with both of us.  I am so glad to have heard it not once, but twice...how God became so real to him.  I was just as moved the second time.  Who knew then what this past year would bring because he is now dying from cancer...such a cruel disease.

I am thinking today of a song he said we should listen to because he thought it was so good and one he loved.  I do remember looking for it and listening after they left. Today I was trying to remember and find it and I am pretty sure this is the one.  What really whacked me is not only the words but that the singer in this song passed away from leukemia a few years ago. The song really moved me today.
 http://youtu.be/pj--TuTkjuY

And so I find myself praying this day for uncle Nick, auntie Ann & their whole family.  God has really put them on my heart.  Maybe God has put him on my heart so much because his story reminds me of my own story.  Maybe I'll share that another time.

Who are the people in your neighbourhood?

We're pulling weeds and filling the green bin (compost recycling)  and some neighbours that live behind and over a couple of houses walk by and stop to chat.  He has either an Australian or New Zealand accent and is super friendly. Their little girl, Alexis, has the cutest red curly hair!  He checks our bin and tells us "good, you are taking the dirt off the weeds".  Turns out he is one of the guys that picks up these bins!  We've met several people in the neighbourhood who all do jobs that we see.  Our mail lady lives down the street and around the corner.  Another neighbour runs a snowplow that comes through here in the winter.  The guy 2 houses down is a fireman, his wife is a nurse and now this neighbour picks up the green bins and his wife is also a nurse.  I wonder who else we might meet.  Makes me think of the song, "Who are the people in your Neighbourhood" from Sesame Street  :)

While we are talking to our neighbour, his phone rings and it turns out it is his grandma calling from Saskatchewan.  He shows us his phone and there is his grandma on the screen. He tells her he will be home shortly and will skype her.  Then he tries to introduce me on his phone and she tells him, "you don't have your camera on".  Too funny!   Apparently she is like 86 or 87 and is very computer savvy.  Whoa...I think I'd better get with the program and learn how to do some of that stuff!  If she can do it, I should be able to  :)

Ensenada

Funny how the random direction of a conversation can take you to places you had not thought about for a while.  Talk with a few people after our church service this morning went from someone needing a table & chairs to moving furniture to unique ways of moving that furniture to someone else having moved a pile of mattresses on top of a van from Ensenada to Tijuana, Mexico.

 Ensenada...that jogged a memory!  Henry and I were part of a team on a mission trip there with YWAM (Youth With A Mission) back in 2000.  The team included one of our sons. Our team built 2 houses for families in Ensenada.  An awesome experience!  It was that trip where God really began to grow in me a passion for prayer.  I saw an incredible answer to prayer when all of the team leaders and YWAM staff prayed together for the 3 year old daughter of the leader of another team, after she was seriously injured in a fall at an orphanage nearby. It was a powerful time of prayer...one I won't forget. 
 

 

It is good to remember once again how God was already working way back then to prepare us for what we are involved in now. 


I will never, ever  forget this sight.  At one of our house dedications the youngest team ever (grade 6) to come to the base was signing to the song "Shout to the Lord"  standing on the hillside above the house.  The presence of God was so powerful!  I picture them every time we sing this song! This was the team that almost went home because of that little girl's accident, also the team that many of the high school age kids did not think should be there at first.  Yet this was the team that ended up ministering to us all during that trip in a very powerful way!!





We added a Canadian touch which the kids of the family loved...there were 7 of them!



on an aside...Henry got a ticket for going too fast over a speed bump...yup, a speed bump, on our last full day there.  Thankfully we had the translator in our van but there were a few tense moments.  We were worried Henry would get thrown in jail or something because we did not know what he was stopping us for.  Once the policeman found out we were Canadian and what we were doing, he was actually pretty nice.  We did have to pool all of our money to pay the ticket though.  Good thing we had some money on us as we were on our way to a market area...and the ticket was not US dollars but Mexican...whew!



Saturday

Henry and I worked on our back yard today.  We are finally ready for some sod.  Imagine that, soon there will be green grass instead of the dirt we have been looking at for the past year and a half!  I am so excited!  We got some much appreciated help from friends...one of the blessings of this day!

Most of the plants in the borders were planted in late spring or early summer.  Some of the plants are blooming for the first time.  I love this time of year in the garden.

Bits & Pieces

This blog is about the bits and pieces that make up my life; from the ordinary, everyday, simple things to possibly the extraordinary.  All the bits & pieces that together make a whole.  A quilt is put together from bits & pieces to make something beautiful.  Looking at the right side is beauty, but the back side of the unfinished top can be messy.  Our lives are a work in progress...there is beauty, there is mess...there is laughter, there are tears...but all together the bits & pieces make us who we are. 

Bits & pieces of fabric waiting to be cut up and put together.  Endless possibilities...
Bits & pieces from life, the ordinary to the not so ordinary.  Endless possibilities...