Speaking Clearly

 

"I believe that we know much more about God than we admit that we know, than perhaps we altogether know that we know. God speaks to us, I would say, much more often than we realize or than we choose to realize. Before the sun sets every evening, he speaks to each of us in an intensely personal and unmistakable way. His message is not written out in starlight, which in the long run would make no difference; rather it is written out for each of us in the humdrum, helter-skelter events of each day; it is a message that in the long run might just make all the difference.

Who knows what he will say to me today or to you today or into the midst of what kind of unlikely moment he will choose to say it. Not knowing is what makes today a holy mystery as every day is a holy mystery. But I believe that there are some things that by and large God is always saying to each of us. Each of us, for instance, carries around inside himself, I believe, a certain emptiness – a sense that something is missing, a restlessness, the deep feeling that somehow all is not right inside his skin. Psychologists sometimes call it anxiety, theologians sometimes call it estrangement, but whatever you call it, I doubt that there are many who do not recognize the experience itself, especially no one of our age, which has been variously termed the age of anxiety, the lost generation, the beat generation, the lonely crowd. Part of the inner world of everyone is this sense of emptiness, unease, incompleteness, and I believe that this in itself is a word from God, that this is the sound that God’s voice makes in a world that has explained him away. In such a world, I suspect that maybe God speaks to us most clearly through his silence, his absence, so that we know him best through our missing him."

Frederick Buechner

 

 

 

Be Silent

A poem I am 'sitting in' that was shared a while ago with us. 

Be silent.
Be still.
Alone,
Empty
Before your God
Say nothing.
Ask nothing.
be silent.
Be still.
Let your God
Look upon you.
That is all.
God knows,
Understands,
Loves you with
An enormous love.
God only wants to
look upon you
With love.
Quiet.
Still.
Be.

Let your God-
Love you.

Edwina Gately

Peace, Beauty and Roots

Had a bit of time while Henry was in his speech group today before we had his individual speech therapy and since the hospital is near the lake and the day was beautiful, I headed there.   Yesterday was a bit of a harder day as Henry was feeling frustrated with not being able to speak like he used to.  He had difficulty while on the phone with one of our sons and that was hard for him.  Normally Henry is pretty positive but sometimes it all piles up just like it does for me at times.  He just wants to be 'normal' again, to be able to speak without getting stuck, to be able to joke around like he used to, to be able to read easily and comprehend and understand what he just read without having to read it a second time, to be able to write a sentence without struggling, and a whole paragraph even...so many things that we took for granted before.  It is so hard to see him down and I just want to 'fix' it for him but I can't.  So in times like this we just hold each other and cry together.  There are so many changes for him that it is actually amazing he does not get down more often. Thankful for that for sure! 

There is always a peace and beauty by the lake that just seeps into my soul. What I needed this day.
  It being the end of November, it was quiet and still...time to just breathe...
The beauty of the day, the stillness, the quiet lapping of water just wrapped me in peace for that time.

Beautiful moments...a gift...in this day.

 

 

 

 

 

These gnarly roots caught my attention.  Half of them are exposed and seem to be hardly holding on and yet the tree is held firm.  Thought about how it sometimes feels like the rug has been pulled out from under us so to speak, our roots are exposed, but those roots do hold.  Sometimes feels like they are barely hanging on but they are.  As I am writing this our wedding text is brought to mind. 

 

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. 

Colossians 2:6-7

 

 

 

 

Finally Back...November Reflection

The last number of days I have been taken back a year and I am reminded of a couple of events from November of 2011.  One is a silent prayer retreat for women that I went to at the end of that month that was such a blessed and needed time.  I know for some of you just the idea of being silent with God seems like the last thing you would ever want to do or be comfortable with.  I admit I was sure nervous about it the very first time I went to one back in 2008, but once you allow yourself to just "be" and to listen to however God might speak, it is amazing that He actually does!! Sometimes it is through scripture, sometimes through nature, sometimes through music, or a book, through journaling or art or any number of ways that are unique to you.  God knows what speaks to you because He knows you, He created you and every one of us is different.



where I found something special on my walk at the retreat

 Anyways, I was reminded today of something I found on a walk during that retreat, that I believe is connected somehow to the other event that I thought about this week.  That event was one of my first assignments for a Leadership Development Course that I am in which meets monthly.  I started that course in October of 2011, another scary step for me!  The assignment was based on a book by Joyce Rupp called "Praying Your Goodbyes".  We were to reflect and write on an exercise of praying a goodbye.  She writes about new hellos being found in the goodbyes.  I won't share here what 'goodbye' God led me to, but as I reread what I had written, I realized that something God put on my heart in that time was being answered a year later...or at least I think it is being answered.  Following are excerpts from my assignment/reflection that month.  I was 'praying my goodbye' at a special place that is not far from our home near an orchard.

"…I stood in the quiet and you could hear the distant sounds of traffic and 'life' but here it felt lonely and removed from everything.  I looked at the orchards surrounding me and there too was a loneliness or sadness as the leaves were dying, the apples were mostly gone and snow was just beginning to fall very lightly and quietly.  The sky was dark with clouds and fog.  Definitely a feeling of goodbye and endings.  Then I noticed birds flitting around and chirping...Those birds seemed like a sign of life in the middle of dying.  A hello in the midst of goodbye.  They were cheerful and moving and gave me a sense of hope, of new things maybe.  I felt like it was time to move on and went to walk through a row of the orchard.  As I came by some dead weeds, out popped more birds that I did not know were there.  Kind of cool.  Are there new things or people that will come out of unexpected places?  As I walked down the row, my attention was drawn to one small red apple that was still on the branch amidst dead and dying leaves. More life amidst the dying. Another picture of a hello in the goodbye?  It was small, but it was red and inviting, so I picked it.  That apple also symbolized the hope of new hellos.  I don't know when or how long, but I have to believe that they will come."

Just in this last week alone I see the hope of new hellos and my heart is glad.  I had almost given up hope of seeing them.

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This post is also a new hello to a blog that I have not written in since before Henry's stroke.  So much has happened and changed in our lives since that day in February of 2012.  Too much to write about now.  Maybe one day...